WHY NOT TAKE OUT?

My husband was out of town recently so I took myself out for a quick diner at Friendly's.  While I was there, my younger son called.
"Where are you?" he asked.  "There's a lot of noise in the background."
"Friendly's," I said. "Haven't been here for years."
"Dad's with you?'
"No. He's out of town."
"So why not do take out like the rest of the world."
"There's no place kosher nearby."
"Oh.  I forgot you closed off the screened-in porch," he said.
"Too cold to eat out there anyway.  Besides," I said.  "I'm not comfortable bringing home unkosher food anymore, even if to eat in the backyard."

CONVERSION TIME?

A member of our synagogue recently told me that he converted to Judaism the year before his older son's Bar Mitzvah, which took place ten years ago.  He'd been considering converting for years before he finally made the decision, but didn't like feeling as if he was forced into it.

"What made you feel forced?" I asked him.

He said, "The synagogue.  They suddenly came up with all those rules that said a non-Jewish parent wasn't allowed to participate in certain activities."

"So why did you convert when you did?"

"I decided it was time."

WHY BOTHER WHEN THEY'RE NOT AROUND?

People often ask why I follow the same rules in my kitchen no matter whether my sons and their families are with me or are not even coming to my home for a while.  My answer is that I want my sons to know that they can trust me.  

What's wrong with intermarriage?

My neighbor told me that when her non-Jewish cousin married a Jewish man, the cousin's parents disowned her.
"When was this?" I asked, thinking that must have happened a long time ago.
"Last year," said my neighbor.  "They just couldn't let her think that she did the right thing."

NO COMBAT

The last time we were in Israel we had the opportunity to spend time with someone from our comunity who made aliyah and had recently joined the Israeli Defense Forces.
 "How did you parents feel about your decisions?" I asked him.
 "My mother wasn't happy at all," he said.  "She made me promise not to work in the combat zone and to never become religious." 
"Staying away from the combat zone makes sense," I said.  "But what's wrong with you becoming religious?"  "I don't know," he said, fingering the Jewish star hanging from a gold chain around his neck. You'll have to ask her."

WHY SO SHORT?

Why do we keep our visits short? That's a question I'm often asked.  Don't we like being with our grandchildren?  Don't we want to spend as much time as possible with them?  Of course we love them!  But we have our own lives, too.   We visit them often enough that it's easy to catch up where we left off.

HOW DO YOU COPE WITH HAVING YOUR KIDS SO FAR AWAY?

When our older son and his family first moved to Isreal, my husband and I used to visit them three times a year.  We stayed with them for the full two weeks of each visit.  Over the years our trips have become more frequent but shorter in duration.  We're now in the habit of visiting them at least four times a year, with each visit lasting less than one week.   It's not that we don't enjoy being with them.  We do!  But now that our grandkids are getting older, they know how to speak on the phone.  We hear from them at least once a week.  We love hearing about the fun they had at a friend's birthday party or the new Shabbos shoes they bought.  They can't wait to share their news and we love to hear it.  Of course this isn't the same as being there with them, but it's almost as good.  They call even when they don't have anything to say.  We love knowing that we're part of their lives even though they live so far away.

AGNOSTIC ANYONE?

Can someone be religious and agnostic at the same time?  I didn't think so until today when I met a guy who told me he is a religious agnostic.  He said he's read 4 different versions of the Bible, but none of them were able to explain to him why bad things happen to good people.  What was I supposed to say?  Please help me figure out the right words to use next time.

NOT THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE

"We put all this time into raising our kids and hope that they'll grow up, get married and live around the corner from us," a friend said.  "A few years ago my son decided to make aliyah.  He's now in the Israeli army and loves his life.  I want him to be happy, but I want him close by, not 12 hours away.  Is there something wrong with me?"
"Not at all," I told her.  "You're entitiled to your feelings.  It's not easy having your kids make decisions that change their lives.  That's something I'm still getting accustomed to myself."

FLEXIBILITY?

I'm often asked how I would have reacted if my sons had left their Jewish roots instead of delving into them.  My answer is that nothing could make me stop loving my sons. 

It's not easy having Orthodox Jewish sons.  It takes patience, respect, love, flexibility and a powerful desire to stay connected to them.  The process doesn't involve any specific steps to follow.  I'm still learning how to do this.  Isn't that what parenting really is?  There are so many books written about raising kids.  Dr. Spock had his ideas.  I have mine.  Is there only one way to be a good parent?  Doesn't it depend on the individual family?