GOT SOME CHANGE?

     I recently met a Jewish mother who told me that whille her children are religiously observant, she definitely is not.
     "Neither am I," I told her.  "But I've changed the way I do some things out of respect for my sons' beliefs."
     "They know better than to ask me to do things their way," she said.  "If they don't accept me the way I am, who needs them?  Their wives wear skirts, but I won't.  My house isn't kosher, but they still visit.  So why should I do anything different?"
      "Because you're the parent," I wanted to say. "Why not meet them half-way?  It has to do with love and respect.  Some day your kids might have enough of your way and might give up on you."

WHY SKIRT THE ISSUE?

I've been wearing a pair of courderoy pants all day to stay warm.  But my NY grandchildren will be here soon.  So I'm on the way upstairs to the closet in my bedroom to pick out a skirt.  My sons never asked me to wear skirts or dresses when I'm with them.  It's really my choice.  I do it out of respect for their beliefs.
Am I more comfortable in pants?  Probably.  Will a skirt and tights keep me warm.  Ablsolutely.
 

FAST OR NOT

The other day my husband was again on the phone with one of our grandchilden in Israel.
"Today is a fast day," said our granddaughter.  "Did you fast today, Poppy?"
"No, I didn't." my husband said.
"That's okay.  Old people don't have to fast."
My husband went on to change the subject.  He didn't have the heart to explain that he and I only fast on Yom Kippur.  This has nothing to do with our age, but everything to do with our level of religious observance.  

TELE YES OR NO?

While it's true that there are some absolutely awful things available on the television screen, there are also some offerings that are worthwhile.  Neither of my sons own a TV which probably means that their children will never get to see Sesame Street or Mr. Rogers.  Is that really a loss in their cultural education?  I have to admit that watching TV is not my favorite thing to do unless I'm really tired or need a break.  Would I be better off if I watched more TV?  Would my grandkids be better off if they watched even a little bit of TV?  I really don't think so.  What's your opinion?

YOUR MENORAH OR MINE?

When our sons were young, they each lit their own menorahs and my husband and I took turns lighting one for the 4 of us. We always used candles. What else was there? After our sons started becoming religiously observant, they insisted on using the menorahs they got from their yeshivas. These menorahs had little glass viles into which oil was to be poured. They enjoyed these menorahs to much more than the candles that my husband and I started using one also. But now that our sons are both married, we've gone back to the candles. To me they're just as beautiful and a lot less messy to clean. I don't think they're any less acceptble in the religiously observant world, but I could be wrong. Also, I never gave any thought as to the appropriateness of me lighting a menorah, whether as a child or as an adult. However, the other day when my husband was on the phone with our 6-yeaar-old granddaughter, the conversation went something like this:
"Did you light the menorah last night?" my husband asked.
"Of course not!" came the reply.
"Why not?" 
"Girls don't light menorahs. Only boys do."
Is there something wrong with a girl lighting a menorah? Beats me.

PNAI

I just learned about a group called Parents Of North American Israelis. I'm tempted to join this group. My older son lives in Israel but hasn't made aliyah. And I doubt that he ever will.  Should I join this group anyway?  

THANKSGIVING

This year, like every year for the past 5 or so years,  we'll be celebrating Thanksgiving with my younger daughter-in-law's family.  Everyone brings something.  My job is fruit salad for 25-30 and a quart of apple cider.  With Thanksgiving falling on a Thursday, we follow it up by spending Shabbos with my younger son and his family.

My older son doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving.  For him, every day is a day of thanksgiving.  

What do you do for Thanksgiving?  Do your kids come home?  Do you go to them?  Do you go out to a restaurant?

 

Staying Connected

What are parents supposed to do when our children make life-changing decisions?  This blog is a place for sharing our experiences, the good and the bad.  


My husband and I are Conservative Jews.  This has nothing to do with our political leanings.  It means we are middle-of the road Jews who observe certain religious traditions but not quite as many as the Orthodox do.   Though we raised our sons in our Conservative Jewish home, they both decided to become Orthodox.   At that point, I was faced with a choice of going out of my way to stay connected with our sons or letting them go their own way.  

I had always kept a kosher kitchen but not quite kosher enough. Many of my friends told me I was wrong to bring my kitchen up to my sons' standards.  They told me that my sons had to learn to accept me as I am.  Others told me how impressed they are with what I continue to do to keep up the connection.  Besides, as the saying goes, it's a two way street.  My sons continue to make concessions too.  It's not as though they did anything wrong.  All they did was become more interested in our religion. 

When my older son decided to start "dating to find a wife," I started keeping a journal.  As result of that and a lot of writing and rewriting, editing, and  soul-searching, I have completed a memoir The Chameleon in the Closet. 

     I'm not a pushover.  I don't want to give the impression that my life is a breeze or that I understand everything my Orthodox sons do.  If it weren't for my sons, I would know nothing about sheitals, mikvahs, or tznius.  And my education hasn't stopped.

HI THERE

I had a wonderful time at the Detroit Jewish Book Fair and met a lot of people who are in the same situation as I am.  My sons are Orthodox, you see.  That's not the way we raised them to be.  My husband and I are good Conservative Jews.  We are founding members of our synagogue.  We have a kosher home.  We fast on Yom Kippur.  Who knew that there are 613 commandments?  All I knew about were the 10 big ones.